Bunker Musings I - Finding Joy and Gratitude

Have you heard? These aren't normal times?!

I do hope you all are well! 

For nearly two years, I was in a blissful existence of daily Ali Kamenova yoga practice, mostly healthy and mindful food consumption, and feeling better than ever! 

Unfortunately, that is not my current state. 

Since I've let myself go, I take showers without my contacts in, only wear elastic banned pants, loathe looking at myself, and have been afraid to attempt the new strong classes my guru, and spiritual warrior, Ali Kamenova has been putting out because I wasn't confident I'd be able to finish them.

Why is it that no matter how long good habits are in practice, certain stressors are a gateway for the bad ones to slither their way back into your life? 

The answer, for me, seems to be I'm Only Happy When it Rains. (I just learned that this song's intention is ironic!)  But it's been my reality for as long as I can remember. And I've had another fountain moment, similar to the one I describe in my first-ever post (You do need to read all the way through for the moment, as I just did. Not to toot my own horn, but it brought a magnificent smile to my face!) I digress...

My fountain moment is that I need to stop relying on others for my own joy. I've been engaging in emotional flagellation, holding onto magnificent memories in the hopes they will again happen in new ways. Then they don't. I now understand this is my gateway for the bad habits. 

Time to let go. Time to be responsible for my own joy.

I accept the extra squishiness in my belly and thighs because I took that off-ramp on my journey's highway, and I can get rid of it! Monday I zoomed up my get-rid-of-it on-ramp life offered. I finished both workouts the past two days - even though I needed to take longer moments to catch my breath and had to modify some of the fancy-ass push-ups. A joyous realization I had when modifying, was that even at my peak fitness, I still would have had to modify. I'm happily gimping around the house because my muscles are so sore! By the end of April I will be much less squishy! 

I disengaged from Facebook because of the vitriol and didn't want to be beholden to Darth Zuckerberg. But the vitriol is still everywhere, and I'm still on Instagram... So I've just missed out. Time to return and engage. 

Even though I've been clinging too much to the rain in my life, the things for which I am grateful have prevented the cement shoes that would drag me to the bottom of the misery pond from forming:

• I had the best divorce ever! Now my best friend and I live together and can raise our children in the same house where respect and love flourish. 
• Isaac and Shiloh. Isaac recently fixed the lid lock on the washing machine (he really needs to design a washing machine, call it the The Ultimate, and make zillions so he can put me up forever in case I don't publish The Greatest Novel Ever, or even A Novel) and he continues to make music. Shiloh is a constant delight with her Shilohness, which is a glorious combination of goofy, generosity, sass, and smarts. She still loves to cuddle with me! Also, after watching and episode of Bones where the reality of eating meat became horrific to her, she has decided to become a vegetarian. 
• Ali Kamenova Since I happened upon her channel years ago, I was hooked. I aspire to her level of comfortability with self and generosity of spirit. And I wouldn't mind a link to her source of unending  inspiration! It's amazing how she is constantly creating new classes - there are at least two new classes every week in her subscription plus one new class for her free YouTube channel. Astounding!
• Cats of Instagram. BethOStern; AmazinRaisin - off the top of my head. Hoping to get some kitties of my own. 
• Cooking (and that Isaac and Shiloh are now getting involved with cooking!) Just yesterday Isaac asked since I had the day off, would I make big breakfast (eggs, home fries and bacon). He made it himself while I was outside with Shiloh pulling the weeds from patio. And I shared some photos and a wee video on Instagram of Shiloh helping make dinner. I LOVE The America's Test Kitchen Complete Vegetarian Cookbook. I got this because we need more vegetables in our diet and this has been helpful - plus Shiloh has become more receptive to new recipes since her decision to be vegetarian. I will share some of the favorites in blogs to come.
• Howard Stern and SiriusXM Satellite radio. Howard Stern's ability to captivate for a four hour stretch is unparalleled. I don't agree with everything, but that's reality. What's magnificent about the show is the seeming effortlessness of how it unfolds. And that is the magic! I would love to be a fly on the wall in their creative meetings. Oh and the phony phone calls!!! Sal and Richard are the best! You know art when you've experienced it, and phony phone calls are an art! I've also discovered a profound delight in listening to classical music I never had before listening to Symphony Hall on SirusXM. 

How have you been managing the quarantine? Where do you find joy? 

I hope to hear from you!

Peace and love.

Xo